I often communicate prayers to God by writing them. It helps keep my mind focused on the concern of the prayer. It also gives me the opportunity to review and see how God answers. The following is a prayer of mine. Although it is a personal communication between God and myself, and shows my own weaknesses and confession, I am sharing it with the hope that it will be a help to some others. I do not think I am alone with these emotions and feelings. I also know that when we articulate such to our Heavenly Father, healing and help comes.

9/22/2013

“LORD, I blew up at You on Friday, after telling You in the morning that I was ready to trust, regardless of what happened. Simply put, I failed. Not only did I fail, and fail miserably, I railed at You; I called You names; I said most unpleasant things. I was wrong. I had no right to say those things, especially to You. I am truly sorry.

“How could I say, ‘I trust’ and then get completely and insanely frustrated when things did not go as I wanted? I guess my trust was conditional on You performing as I wanted. I was not trusting You, but instead trying to manipulate You to perform my will. What I told You was that I wanted Your will. What I demonstrated was that I wanted You to do my will. Lord, forgive me for such an attitude, and thanks for showing me that I had such an attitude.

“It is not really all that comfortable to be shown wrong attitudes and thinking on my part (if You show me someone else’s problems, that is much more comfortable), but I am pleased to know that You still spend time and effort teaching me. I fall short often, but You are still teaching me. Thanks that You are still with me, and You were with me even on Friday.  

“Trusting, when I do not see the end, when I do not know what is to happen next, is difficult, but it is the only logical course. Who cares for me more than You? When I screamed at You on Friday and made the accusation that You do not care, I was angry, frustrated, confused. You know the need that Judy and I have and You have promised to meet our need. Your seed, Your children, are never forsaken. Jesus Himself felt forsaken when on the cross and asking why His God had forsaken Him. Since He was finishing the entire work of salvation for all mankind, He was fulfilling the eternal purpose of the Father, I cannot imagine that He was truly forsaken. He felt it though. And so did I, but for different reasons.

“Jesus was accomplishing the most unselfish act in the history of the world’s existence. Taking my sins, and the sins of all mankind upon Himself, was a heavy (and impossible for mankind) burden to bear. This was the absolute will of the Father, that Jesus would pay the ultimate price for all sin and bring mankind back to fellowship with God. In my case, it was being self-willed and unwilling to patiently wait on You to provide the answer. And, You were, and are, still there for and with me.

“I am anxious for income. While I desire to write and teach, there needs to be income. You, of course, know this. You also know my resolve to be able to distribute books, materials, and lessons for free. My resolve is based on reading and, I think, understanding Your scriptures. Freely I have received, freely I should give.

“LORD, I need Your help to trust. I cannot do it on my own.”  

                “You are my hiding place.  You always fill my life with songs of deliverance.  Whenever I am afraid I will trust in You.  Let the weak say, ‘I am strong in the strength of the Lord.’ “

                These are the words of a song.  They are based on one of David’s psalms.  Men should not sing this song (I cannot sing so I am O.K. there), nor should we (men) say those words (oops, I am guilty here).  Men are not supposed to be afraid and are not supposed to look for hiding places.  Men should stand and face the challenge, and defeat it.  We are never afraid.  We never ask for help.

                And yet, David the king penned these words, “Thou art my hiding place; Thou shalt preserve me from trouble; Thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance.” Psa. 32:7.  David, as a lad, killed Goliath the giant.  David fought in many battles for King Saul.  David fought in many battles after becoming king himself.  Was such a man as he needing a hiding place?  Was he ever afraid?  Was Psalms 32 just one isolated incident in David’s life?  A quick glance at a few other of David’s psalms might tell us something:

“The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble.” Psa. 9:9.

“Preserve me, O God, for in Thee do I put my trust.” Psa. 16:1.

“Keep me as the apple of the eye.  Hide me under the shadow of Thy wings.”  Psa. 17:8.

“I will call upon the LORD, Who is worthy to be praised; so shall I be saved from mine enemies.”  Psa. 18:3.

“For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion: in the secret of His tabernacle shall He hide me; He shall set me up upon a rock.”  Psa. 27:5.

                Hmmmm!  So, David looked at God as a refuge (hiding place) in time of trouble.  David trusted that God would preserve him.  David wanted God to protect him, shield him under His wings.  This is a reference to the way some birds shield their chicks from danger.  David trusted that God would save him from his enemies.  David trusted, and experienced God taking him to His secret pavilion in times of trouble.  Maybe, just maybe, that is the reason David could be strong and brave.  Maybe David understood that God was his true strength and source of courage.

                Maybe I can sing the song.  Maybe I can say the words.  I can trust that God’s strength is powerfully demonstrated in my weaknesses.  I can remember the scripture that declares I can do all things through Christ, Who gives me strength.

                God, I thank You for giving me that hiding place.  Thanks for the deliverance.  Thanks that I cannot only say, but can also experience the fact that I am strong in the strength of my God.    

My football coach would often tell us, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” He would especially remind us when we were down some points, when there was a particularly adverse play, or we were in a bad situation. On my high school team we heard that quite often. The military also used the quote (or something like it) often. Campaigns in the military are not known for ease. Combat is always hard, always uncomfortable, often desperate.

 But, being “tough” is good. The “tough” can endure hardships. The “tough” can endure pain. The “tough” can face what looks like certain defeat and still prevail. The quote is a motivator. The “tough” can be in an impossible situation, and then continue to push onward, can continue to “go.” “We are tough. We can do this thing!”

One of the most difficult discoveries in my life was when I realized I could not “do this thing.” Even with the quote running through my head, despite the motivation it could give, there were things I could not overcome, could not defeat, could not do on my own. Regardless of my “toughness,” regardless of my resolve, I could not accomplish what needed to be done. It was humiliating.  It was humbling.  It was a revelation.  It was liberating!

When I realized I could not fix my own sin problem, when I came to grips with the fact that Satan was too strong and cunning for me to overcome, when I realized I could not make myself pleasing to a Holy God, but that God accomplished all of that for me through Jesus Christ, it was then I felt the humiliation, then the humbling, then the revelation, and finally the ultimate liberation. It was no longer me, it was God that “did the thing.”  My toughness could not come even close.  God’s toughness went all the way.

I have been learning to trust Him and His ability, His toughness, in all circumstances in my life.  It is not always easy.  I am working on living with a revised quote, “When the going in life gets tough, the truly tough keep trusting.” Sometimes it is hard to trust. Sometimes the circumstances seem too difficult. And those are the times that trust in our God shows a greater level of toughness. God is always worthy of our trust, even when the path and final victory seem out of reach.

Jesus “learned obedience by the things which He suffered …” (Heb 5:7-9, Heb 12:2). He endured the cross and its attendant humiliation thereby receiving the joy and satisfaction of bringing us back to Him.

Paul asked God to remove a “thorn in the flesh.”  God’s answer was, “No.” God let Paul know that the “thorn” was for Paul’s ultimate benefit. Paul accepted God’s answer because of Paul’s trust in God’s goodness and purpose. Paul then stated he would be pleased in hardships, reproaches, persecutions, distresses for Christ’s sake: because he trusted in God, knowing his (Paul’s) own weaknesses.  Paul learned that God would exercise His power and strength when Paul recognized his own weakness and trusted God’s strength.

“And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And He said unto me, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.” (II Cor 12:7-10).

That is the same way we need to understand God’s work in our lives. We need to learn to trust Him in all circumstances. We need to realize that we are strongest when we trust God’s strength for and in us. Regardless of the problem or problems, no matter the strength or power of the obstacle, when life circumstances become insurmountable, those who know God (who continue to trust Him) will have ultimate victory.