The Prayer of Trust

I often communicate prayers to God by writing them. It helps keep my mind focused on the concern of the prayer. It also gives me the opportunity to review and see how God answers. The following is a prayer of mine. Although it is a personal communication between God and myself, and shows my own weaknesses and confession, I am sharing it with the hope that it will be a help to some others. I do not think I am alone with these emotions and feelings. I also know that when we articulate such to our Heavenly Father, healing and help comes.

9/22/2013

“LORD, I blew up at You on Friday, after telling You in the morning that I was ready to trust, regardless of what happened. Simply put, I failed. Not only did I fail, and fail miserably, I railed at You; I called You names; I said most unpleasant things. I was wrong. I had no right to say those things, especially to You. I am truly sorry.

“How could I say, ‘I trust’ and then get completely and insanely frustrated when things did not go as I wanted? I guess my trust was conditional on You performing as I wanted. I was not trusting You, but instead trying to manipulate You to perform my will. What I told You was that I wanted Your will. What I demonstrated was that I wanted You to do my will. Lord, forgive me for such an attitude, and thanks for showing me that I had such an attitude.

“It is not really all that comfortable to be shown wrong attitudes and thinking on my part (if You show me someone else’s problems, that is much more comfortable), but I am pleased to know that You still spend time and effort teaching me. I fall short often, but You are still teaching me. Thanks that You are still with me, and You were with me even on Friday.  

“Trusting, when I do not see the end, when I do not know what is to happen next, is difficult, but it is the only logical course. Who cares for me more than You? When I screamed at You on Friday and made the accusation that You do not care, I was angry, frustrated, confused. You know the need that Judy and I have and You have promised to meet our need. Your seed, Your children, are never forsaken. Jesus Himself felt forsaken when on the cross and asking why His God had forsaken Him. Since He was finishing the entire work of salvation for all mankind, He was fulfilling the eternal purpose of the Father, I cannot imagine that He was truly forsaken. He felt it though. And so did I, but for different reasons.

“Jesus was accomplishing the most unselfish act in the history of the world’s existence. Taking my sins, and the sins of all mankind upon Himself, was a heavy (and impossible for mankind) burden to bear. This was the absolute will of the Father, that Jesus would pay the ultimate price for all sin and bring mankind back to fellowship with God. In my case, it was being self-willed and unwilling to patiently wait on You to provide the answer. And, You were, and are, still there for and with me.

“I am anxious for income. While I desire to write and teach, there needs to be income. You, of course, know this. You also know my resolve to be able to distribute books, materials, and lessons for free. My resolve is based on reading and, I think, understanding Your scriptures. Freely I have received, freely I should give.

“LORD, I need Your help to trust. I cannot do it on my own.”